


The Sleeping Valley

by daiyu_amaya



Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Light Is Not Kira, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Heart-to-Heart, L is one confused guy, M/M, Possibly Unrequited Love, The Yagami family isn't quite what it seems to be, Watari is good
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-12
Updated: 2017-11-26
Packaged: 2019-02-01 08:06:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12700812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daiyu_amaya/pseuds/daiyu_amaya
Summary: Light was not Kira, and he was mortified to realize he had a crush on the worlds best detective, but when L rejects Light. Light begins to learn about actually living a life and that there was more to him then he had ever believed, thanks to Watari Light begins his journey to enlightenment.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I call Light, Raito, because of the Hepburn Romanization of his name. That and I like it better then Light *Shutters* it just seems wrong I guess roflol 
> 
> Anyhow this came out of another thought I had about Raito not being Kira and liking L That thought might make it onto this site as well. However I'm going to be very busy as I get more time at work thanks to overtime for the holidays T_T BTW I do not like the 'new' death note at all. I loved the manga and the anime and the Japanese live action movies. I use to at least before I lost interest in the show and finished both it and the manga.
> 
> Because of the 'new' show I ended up watching the first live action movie, and fell in love all over again. so now instead of writing my other stuff I ended up writing this T_T Like always I'll get back eventually to my other works but I'll have to 'fall in love' again to do so lol I usually go through periods of time where an Anime/manga or novel catches my attention. Just to fall out of it again weeks later XD

L's words echoed in his ears, of course...L must have thought like everyone else that he was weak. Why else would he think he was Kira after all, he turned away with a shiver. "I no longer want to work on this case...I've been nothing but a burden." He ran from the room, protest from the detectives following him, it didn't matter. He failed to help L, he had only hindered the investigation.  
He slammed into one of the many rooms and found a corner to curl into, tears streaming down his face. He laughed, of course, he was crying. He was a weak little crybaby that couldn't do anything right. He didn't know how long he sat there before he heard movement. The clinking of fine china, and liquid being poured. He turned to find Watari setting up two cups and a few plates with what looked like a bunt-cake. "Would you like some tea and cake?" He frowned; "I don't like sweets." Watari eyed him. "It's not overly sweet, just an apple bunt-cake, if anything its very mildly sweet, it goes quite well with green tea if I do say so."

Why was Watari doing this? The man had always seemed...Distant. He wiped his face and took the seat across from Watari. "Green tea?" Watari nodded; "L and I both prefer Black tea, but I at least can enjoy a variety of teas, whereas L is less capable of handling... Change." Or of being wrong, or of someone having a crush on him and wanting to be physically close. God, why had he even bothered to tell L what had really been bothering him? How childish, how weak.  
Watari slid over a slice of bunt-cake. Well, he shouldn't be rude... He sighed and took the slice of apple bunt-cake. Using his fork he took a small bite and froze, this wasn't too sweet, actually, it tasted really good. But it wasn't something he should like, sweets were not for him. A memory of his father frowning at him after his mother had given him a toffee when he was little.

"It's too sweet, thank you though." and he slid the cake away, Watari looked confused; "Raito...Is there some reason you feel the need to lie?" Oh god. He felt his face flush, "I...I'm that obvious am I?" He was just too tired to put up another lie and he hadn't been called out on a lie before, mostly because people didn't seem to know before. Not even L, or at least he had never mentioned noticing the times he'd lied to the man.  
"You're not overly obvious no. I've lived a very long life and I've heard plenty of lies before. You obviously enjoyed the cake, and yet something made you push it away. Just as you felt it was better to hide away when you started to weep." He flinched at that. "It's not good to show weakness. I learned that a long time ago." Watari sighed; "It's not weak to cry Raito. It's harsh to tell someone that, where did you learn that kind of thinking?" He looked away, "My father." He whispered, now that it was out he felt sick. "He also taught you to dislike sweets as well didn't he." He nodded, he'd learned a lot of things. He was still imperfect and his father didn't even know his greatest and most dangerous weakness.  
"Does he know that you harbor feelings for L?" He stood so quickly that his chair fell over. "I. I don't...That would be crazy." He couldn't look at the old man, how could he say something like that?

Watari sighed and motioned for him to sit back down. He righted his chair and sat down. "Please, Raito. I know that people who have that kind of relationship can be heavily frowned upon and hated. But, I personally find nothing wrong with such feelings." He...Was he really alright with that kind of insanity? "My father thinks its sick. That, people like that should be locked up." Watari sat back in his chair. "That is uncalled for. People cannot choose who they love, that would be locking up innocent people who have done nothing wrong." Watari really believed that he was obviously passionate about his words...

"I...I'm not sick?" Watari's jaw dropped; "Good heavens no, you're not sick Raito. It's not your fault you care about L, though it makes me wonder if you might have a bit of Stockholm. We have kept you prisoner for quite too long." It had been before that when he realized how much he actually liked L.   
"I liked him when we first met...I mean, well the first time we talked, he might do some really odd things...But, he lifted the boredom from my life and it helped that he's really, really smart." Watari chuckled; "He has that kind of personality that can either drive people away or reel them in." He smiled, that sounded about right. He was pretty sure most people were driven away from him because he could be pretty harsh.   
"I thought, and wrongfully at that. That you were like your father, but now I see that you and he have very little in common. Do you actually want to become a detective?" He blinked, no one had ever asked him that before. People just assumed that he wanted to be one just like his father. "I don't know." Three words he shouldn't actually utter, but he felt better now that all of this was coming out. Watari wasn't judging him...At least he didn't seem to be. Watari chuckled, "That is far more along the lines of thought that I expect from someone your age." He blinked, really? "Most people really think hard about what they want to become. Some, the lucky ones know from a very young age what they want to do when they are older, but don't exactly know how to get to that point and others have no clue." That was surprising actually, had his father been part of the former group?

"So, if you had a choice. What would you do?" He smiled lightly; "I love to learn...That actually wasn't pushed on me. I really do like it, I think I would learn as much as possible before I actually choose something." Watari was smiling, it was nice to actually see a smile on the man's face. Nice to know he had put it there and that the man wasn't faking it. "I know that this would be...A rather out of the blue kind of offer...But, would you consent to become my apprentice?" His? "Apprentice?" Watari nodded, "To become the next Watari. I am becoming very old and the stress of this case isn't doing my health any favors...I think you would make a wonderful successor to me."   
A new Watari, one who helped L with all sorts of things... But that would put him close to L, the person who was currently hurting him. "I don't know if I could work with L...He. We..." Watari nodded; "I know." Those words plunged him into darkness. He knew, did he-Had he seen! "Watari, wha-Did you- _See_?" Watari shook his head; "Thank heavens no, but I heard some of the conversation right before and I muted the room." Oh god, that was embarrassing. "I'm sorry." Watari shook his head, "You're young, and sadly love makes us do things we wouldn't normally do." Yes like, beg someone to fuck them and he had certainly begged L to have sex with him. Begged L to take him on the floor of the bathroom like some sort of animal.

"It's unfortunate that L chose to indulge you when he might not know how he feels about you." Oh, he knew alright how he felt about him. L wanted nothing to do with him, not that way and never that way again. "I think he made it really clear what his opinion was." Watari shrugged; "Possibly, but I've never known him to crave physical touch." Never? Had L been a...A virgin like him? "He's never?" Watari sighed; "As far as I'm aware you're the first person L has ever slept with." He blinked, that was...Well, that made him feel at least a little better. "He was my first." He slapped a hand over his mouth as he felt his face heat up. Watari seemed surprised and then chuckled; "Well, I'm not sure how he'd feel about that." No, he wouldn't would he. He let his hand slip from his face, a chuckle escaping his freed mouth-before erupting into full-on laughter. Several moments later, feeling his way back from the deep end he calmed enough to take a sip of his tea and pull the cake back to himself.  
"Well to your question about apprentice offer, I'd accept, of course, I'd like to go to school still however if that was possible?" Watari nodded; "I think it would be best that you do actually finish your schooling while learning to take my place." Otherwise, his father might actually say no, since he still had a say in things that happened in his life. Though if he said no he would fight back, because the thought of becoming the new Watari excited him, even if he had to work more closely with L.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A year after Chapter One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that this Raito *Light* seems to be nothing like the one in the manga and Anime but bare with me on this, we saw what happened when he let go of the death note. How childish he became, I think that there could be in an alternate where he didn't become Kira was because A) he didn't get the death note and B) even if he had he wouldn't have used it because he would have felt he wasn't worthy to judge others.
> 
> I dub this Self-hate Raito (SHR) in my notes. I think of him as someone trying to strive to be better then he feels that he is, because people are constantly telling him how good he is at things like school. He constantly feels like he has to do even better because of it and feels like he fails time and time again. Not to mention his stern hardly there father, while I like his father soichiro in the anime I also like to paint him a little darker in my stories, so Raito constantly feels like he's not good enough for his father. Now Raito in the anime is nothing like that lol he's a selfish prick! Which I feel is partly because of his upbringing and his boredom and partly the death notes influence.

"This is Near, Matt, and Mello," Quillsh said as he pointed out each of the boys. Near looked a lot like L, only all white. But the look in his eyes was the same. Unending boredom, and irritation at being stuck around people not nearly smart enough to give him a challenge.  
"Everyone the is Yagami Raito. He's accepted becoming my Apprentice." They looked surprised, had they thought that Quillsh would live forever or something? "He'll never be able to be as good as you are." Near. Thanks, one hundred percent agree with that statement. "No, your right but I will strive to be as helpful as possible." Quillsh sighed; "Raito, please don't put yourself down." He looked away, it was the truth, not so much a put-down. Matt looked like he wanted to be somewhere else and Mello just looked irritated. Seriously, these three were the successors to L?  
He shook himself out of the clouds, they weren't with L right now, just Quillsh who wasn't feeling great. He said he had a cold, but at his age, it could become something worse, he knew that Quillsh thought he was mostly ready at this point but still...He had doubts about his abilities and about how L would feel about it. He wasn't one hundred percent sure Quillsh had even told L that Raito was his apprentice, but L could have watched the video of their conversation... He blinked at the sky, they were landing. He sighed, here was the first real test of his language skills. Not that he was really worried, Quillsh had said he had taken to English and a few other languages quicker than even L had. He didn't believe that for a second, even if Quillsh had meant to praise him it was also an insult to compare him to, of all people, L.  
L was a genius on a level he could never attain. Yes he himself was intelligent otherwise why else would Quillsh pick him to handle L? But there were still things he had to learn, like how to stop thinking about himself in a negative light.

"Watari." Raito had to snort, had he started to walk like the old man too? "No sorry. Just me." L turned a frown on his face. "What are you doing here?" At least there was no malice in his voice, actually, there was no inflection to tell what exactly he was feeling either. "Watari caught a cold, didn't you notice? I told him I was coming and he was going to rest, now. What did you need?" L frowned made some sort of noise that seemed kind of negative.   
"Nothing from you." Oh. Oh, that was how they were going to play. "I see, let me know if you do eventually need something then." and he walked out of the room. Seeing L again after all the time they had been separated...Had actually frightened him, because he wasn't sure how he would feel about seeing the man, who he had found out was beyond capable of handling things in an adult like manner. He snorted yeah when pigs flew would L be able to act like an adult.

Watari had been surprised when he'd said he'd come, but he was done with school. He'd found a few loop-holes that allowed him to take the finals of several of his classes long before he was supposed to. In that short amount of time he'd finished school, it had pleased his parents of course, but then...Then he told them what he was going to do with his life and the fight that had started was epic. He'd never seen his father so angry, or his mother so tearful. They said he was wasting his gifts on such a job and that it would do him better to become a detective in his own rights, not a lackey to L. He wouldn't be a lackey first off, and second off he wanted to learn from Quillsh, the man had started to tell him stories about his life...Quillsh was a very interesting man, inventor, marksmen, practically a father to so many children, including L. He wanted to carry on the legacy of such a wonderful man.   
It was time he took on the true role of an apprentice, eventually taking over for Quillsh Wammy. And in more ways then one, he hadn't known just how much responsibility Wammy had and it was a lot. More then he was sure he would be able to handle. Because he knew nothing about children. Yes, Sayu was younger than him, but these children that Wammy took in were smart...L smart, they would walk right over him that was for certain. Because he wasn't nearly as smart, he'd thought for a long time that he was but L and then later Near proved that he was nothing but a con man.

Quillsh tried to dissuade him from that kind of thinking but it was true. He had to learn not to be in peoples way, learn to be as unobtrusive as Quillsh did...He was pretty sure he did it naturally too, so that was one thing he couldn't really teach. His phone buzzed and he pulled it out. N, Near was calling. "Hello Near." There was silence for a moment before; "Will he be alright?" He smiled, the children loved Quillsh if he was their father or grandfather in some cases. "Yes, he should be. Just a simple cold, I'll make sure he's right as rain shortly."   
That much he knew how to do. His mother had taught him some remedies when Sayu caught colds, and he remembered from his own childhood her soups and teas. Speaking of tea, he should make Quillsh a cup of earl grey, it was his favorite after all. "Are you sure?" He knew Near didn't trust him, even as he asked him things of this nature. Trusting his words that Quillsh would be alright. "I'm Certain, but if it would make you feel better I can give the phone to him." Near hummed, no doubt twirling a strand of hair around his finger. "No, I believe you." That would be a first, Near always said he didn't believe or trust in him. "Alright, but don't hesitate to ask, you know I wouldn't let you if I thought it would put too much strain on him."

He walked to Quillsh's room and smiled at the sight of the old man reading a book. Of course, he would be, when else would he get time to read? "I bought some tea and soup for you if you're feeling up to it?" Quillsh smiled; "I might be able to." He took the tray to the bed and gently settled it onto the older man's lap.   
"How did L react when you showed up rather than me?" Quillsh asked right before taking a sip of tea and humming in appreciation. "Not well. Sadly, I think he's going to ignore me for the most part." Which meant he would ignore his own needs as well. "I'll at least make sure he eats but I think that's all he'll let me do currently." Quillsh nodded; "I'm sure in time he'll get used to the thought of you being around." The whole dislikes change, would he ever be able to get over it?

It was late, Quillsh would be asleep. But, he'd check on the man all the same. L was standing at the end of Quillsh's bed a rather sad look on his face. "He'll be fine, he just needed some rest." L didn't even look at him. "I didn't notice...I'm supposed to be observant and I didn't even notice." So, L did have regrets, did have feelings. Well, he should have expected that. He had at least seen the childish side after all. "Come on, let's leave him to sleep." L followed him to the kitchen, he slid a piece of cake in front of the detective, who hadn't as far as he was aware eaten in twenty-four hours. He set the kettle on the stove and turned it on. Tea, Quillsh had said would never go to waste, at least not with L.   
"Why are you doing this?" He blinked and looked at L who looked slightly guilty. What did he have to feel guilty for? "Quillsh offered me a chance at actually helping people, or at least helping those who can actually help people." L frowned; "You could have become a great detective."   
No, not with the way he viewed himself. Not this imperfect son who was nothing but a shame and a sham. Not the child who let down his parents at every turn. "No, I couldn't have. It would have broken me L...I would have hated how I couldn't help. Couldn't make things right. At least with this I know you and the others can actually help people, that in the end my life wouldn't have meant nothing, it would have meant at least that I was helping someone who could and has done so much good for this world."   
Like stopping Kira, like stopping all the criminals that he had up to this point in time. "I never noticed this side of you." He shrugged; "I spent a great deal of time hiding it. But, there's no reason to lie to you. Not anymore."   
L sighed; "About what happened...Between us." No. That was not a conversation they needed to have, at least not really. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything. It was wrong of me to tell you that, and wrong of me to ask you for something I had no right to ask for." L seemed at a loss for words, he turned to the kettle which was whistling merrily. If he could just go back in time and stop himself from revealing that he had a crush on the detective, from having sex with him, this would be very different. He would be different perhaps.   
"Raito, I should be apologizing for sleeping with you. I knew you weren't in the right mindset and I took advantage of you." That wasn't true at all, L hadn't taken advantage of him. "I don't see how you think that's true. You didn't take advantage of me." He couldn't look at L, Seriously what was the man thinking? Advantage? He'd not done anything he hadn't wanted to, "Surely you've realized you were suffering Stockholm syndrome." Oh god not him too.   
"I liked you before that." He blurted, oh he shouldn't have said that. L was silent, of course, he was-he'd just admitted that he'd had a crush on him before he'd been locked up. "You barely knew me, you still barely know me." He couldn't fault that logic, it was sound. He did barely know L, but that would change. Just like how he would grow out of these useless feelings for the detective.

"Raito." He set a cup on the table and poured it for L. "I know, I also know that feeling that way for you is useless and that I should just stop. I know I must be making you uncomfortable, and I apologize for that. I won't try anything...I know better now." and he left the room. He couldn't handle these feelings right now. He had to move on, he was here to help L, not hinder him again.   
Honestly, he wanted to get away before he started to cry again. Seriously why couldn't he just stop? These emotions they strangled him, bound him to the man when L wanted nothing of that sort of weakness, and who would want him anyway? Tears threatened to slide down his face and he choked on them. He closed his door and slid against the wood, oh god why had L even brought it up? He clenched his jaw as more tears poured down his face, how could he be so weak? So pathetic? Here he was finally able to actually do something with his life and his past mistakes come back to haunt him. He should have never asked to be locked up, never let L reel him in so close. Now all L could see was the weak worthless man he was and maybe L had seen that from the very start. Had seen something he obviously didn't know he was showing-it had caused L to think he was Kira, months he had spent on that thought, months wasted. 


	3. Chapter 3

He just didn't understand it was incomprehensible really. Raito liked him, had liked him since pretty much when they had met. No one liked him in that manner, even when he had actually shown interest in A...B had mocked him for it, had said it made him weak and worthless.  
He'd agreed with that sentiment, that was why he had trained both his mind and his body to not react to such emotions. It also helped that he didn't much care about lust and that he felt it very sparingly. He didn't know what love felt like either, no one had loved him as a child-only his mind. Not to say that Wammy didn't care about him, he cared about all the gifted children. Equally. There was no difference in his attitude towards any of the children from his orphanage.

Raito had caused several problems with his control though...Smart, devious, kind, cruel Raito. His equal, or at least should be his equal. He doubted Raito saw himself that way, Not after what he'd said about himself such a short time ago. Had it really only been six hours and forty-five minutes since Raito had put himself down? I know better than that. Raito, Raito thought that he didn't like him.  
Did he like Raito in that manner? Did it even matter at this point if he did, because Raito was to be the next Watari and if they had that sort of relationship between them would they be able to work...Without being distracted by the danger each of them would be in? In the end, he shouldn't want to know what it would be like to hold Raito. To reassure him that he wasn't whatever he thought he was. It hurt him to think that only a year ago he'd believed Raito was Kira, that he had thought Raito capable of that kind of deceit. Only he had really been deceitful, not out of spite but of fear and loyalty to his family.

Because Raito had been hiding his true self so thoroughly and he'd seen it, seen it and thought it had meant he was Kira instead of seeing Kira where Kira had truly been. Part of the task force, from the very start.  
He still couldn't believe it. How could he have missed the signs? Kira was already apart of the police force, Kira had been stringing him and everyone else along. Raito had been a good cover, Kira had known Raito was having identity and family issues. Had seen it in the way Raito interacted with other people, especially men. Knew that if he wrote names at certain times, knew so many things that would make Raito a suspect even just a little...Smart, nearly as smart as he was and he'd thought-No. It didn't matter anymore what he thought about Kira anymore. Kira was dead, executed for his crimes.   
"Deep in thought even though you solved the case?" Watari said startling him. "Ah, well. I still have a case to solve don't I?" But wait, why was he up? Tea. Ah, of course. Watari was moving slowly but surely. It was good to see him up, of course, he hadn't even realized until it had been brought to his attention that Watari had even been sick.  
"Raito. Yes, I do believe you should think about what not to say to him." What not to say to him? Had Watari heard their conversation? "I never listened to the conversation you had with him when we were still working on the Kira case." Watari snorted. "No, you did not and I'm glad my bad habits haven't rubbed off on you." He had plenty of bad habits, or at least that was what people said to him, some to his face others not.  
"Raito believes that he didn't have Stalkhom syndrome because he liked me before being confined." Which made little difference, he'd still gotten it and still, he'd blindly allowed Raito to get that close to him. Like Icarus with the sun, too close and now he was burnt and broken.

"When he takes over, and he will. Sooner than later, what will you do? Will you continue on ignoring him?" He flinched at the words, Watari was calm though, this was just his way of helping him work through his thoughts, feelings.  
"No, I can't really afford to ignore him can I when he will be my eyes and ears." Raito had learned quickly from Watari, quicker then they had both thought he would, he blew through school so quick just so he could come learn from Watari... He'd driven himself into a corner.   
"I just wish I thought this was the right thing for him. He can still become a great detective in his own right, someone equal to me maybe, I feel like we're taking his future away." And they still had time, Watari was aging that was true, but he still had time to train someone else to be his apprentice, he should train someone else. Raito shouldn't...He should be more. "He will do what I have always done, try to help where I can when I can." Watari did that alright, it also helped that he was also a fantastic shooter.  
"He'll be your equal in a way I could not be. I'm sure the two of you will be fine, and he will more than live up to be what he was already going to be. A great detective, a great partner." His partner...He had never seen it that way with Wammy, he had, after all, learned quite a lot of things from him. Wammy was his mentor, friend, protector, eyes, and ears... But, never his equal. Not like Raito would be.

"I still feel like its a disservice to him for him to have to put up with me." Watari chuckled. "You also have to 'put up' with him as well you know he won't let you get away without eating again, not after he saw how long it took for you to solve such a simple case." Oh no. What kind of tactics would Raito employ? Because he knew all of Wammy's tricks but not Raito, who would no doubt change his tactics for each situation quicker then Wammy.  
"So noted." Watari snorted and smiled brightly at him. "And exactly why are you out of bed?" They both froze at the sound of Raito's rather irritated voice. "You will not get any better if you wander around, with no slippers of all things!" Raito handed Watari his slippers, he'd have stopped by Watari's room only to find the man gone. "Ah, thank you Raito." Raito poured himself some tea and sat at the table with them. "You didn't finish your cake." He wanted to tell Raito to mind his own business but that would be too rude. So he simply busied himself with his cake. "I see your feeling chipper this fine morning." Raito sighed; "I'm sorry, I didn't get very much sleep." Having gotten up no doubt several times to check on Watari, after how upset he'd been.


End file.
